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How to Stop Time

Monday, November 17, 2008

  1. Tell people you’re really busy, then close the door and putter contentedly.
  2. Play with a dog.
  3. Don’t look at clocks.
  4. Lean back on pillows in a boat on a calm lake.
  5. Turn off all buzzing, beeping, ringing things.
  6. Float down a slow river in an inner tube with pals, passing the snacks back and forth.
  7. Read a completely engrossing book.
  8. Watch a summer parade in a small town.
  9. Ask a family elder to tell you about their earliest memories.
  10. Use a hand-cranked ice cream-maker. Take turns turning.
  11. Stare into a campfire.
  12. Rake leaves the old-fashioned way, letting the sound lull you.
  13. Memorize your favourite poem.
  14. Sit in a rocking chair while holding a sleeping baby.
  15. Re-read that bundle of treasured old letters.
  16. Don’t set the alarm.
  17. Watch your favourite movie from childhood.
  18. Meditate.
  19. Have an outdoor dinner with lanterns in the trees and candles on the table.
  20. Don’t wear a watch.
  21. Sort rocks at the edge of the sea.
  22. Give yourself a private concert of your favourite music and don’t do anything but listen.
  23. Lean back into a sun-warmed stone wall and close your eyes.
  24. Turn the calendars toward the wall.
  25. Daydream while lying in a field of fresh flowers.
  26. Drum with friends outside on the night of the full moon.
  27. Drool through a relaxing massage.
  28. Aim to accomplish only one thing per day.
  29. Create a tiny village with a child, at the edge of a forest or stream, using found objects
  30. Loll in a hot bath with the light out.
  31. Take a road trip across the prairie.
  32. Just play.
  33. Lie in a hammock and watch the stars move on a clear night.
  34. Use sundials to tell time, but only live where it’s always cloudy.
  35. Dance.

Filed in Creativity, Play | Comments (11)

Talent Development Resources

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Douglas Eby’s superlative network of Websites, Talent Development Resources is extensive (more than 600 pages) to the point of eye-bugging awe. And we’re in luck, because Eby’s interests include highly sensitive people (HSPs).

“Talent Development Resources has grown out of my interests and research in creativity, personal development and positive psychology, and an appreciation of actors, writers, photographers and other artists with exceptional ability.”

“The site is designed to help explore some of the key psychological and social issues that affect people with multiple talents – and to provide information and inspiration to enhance achievement and creative expression, and help develop a more authentic and expressive life.”

~ Douglas Eby, About the Site

The site’s vast collection of articles, interviews, book reviews, and other resources is a browsing wonderland. I always leave a session on the site feeling both more special and more like myself, which is a neat trick.

Here are are a few links to whet your appetite:

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Book | How to Live With an Idiot

Monday, November 10, 2008

At the library recently, while browsing the stacks, my eyes were drawn to the red spine of a book whose title made be laugh out loud: How To Live With An Idiot, by Dr. John Hoover. I yanked it out and saw the subtitle: Clueless Creatures and the People Who Love Them. Because I am imperfect, there are times when my different, highly sensitive way of looking at the world seems better and right rather than merely different, as it actually is. In those lapses of perspective, it can feel as though I’m surrounded by idiots. I grabbed the book, checked it out, and raced home. Best decision I’ve made in a long time, as it turns out.

“Blaming the receiver for taking the message the wrong way or misinterpreting my intentions is a tacit admission that I need to become a better communicator.”

~ John Hoover, How To Live With An Idiot

I’ve read a lot of self-help books. This one gets stacked with a few others at the top of the heap, for two inter-connected reasons. Dr. John (as he calls himself) made a bold move to write a self-help book that’s silly, giving section headings titles like “Big Decisions, Little Brains” and “Putting Away the Hammer.”

Humour alone wouldn’t work for me, though, so I’m glad Dr. John packed the book with insights and real tools – that’s the second reason the book wowed me. The humour was sneaky, as it turns out, because it made the tough stuff go down easier. By creating amusing categories of people (amoeba, beaver, jaguar, etc.) to describe how we operate in the world, Dr. John has diminished the sting of much of what he’s astutely revealing about living with idiots, allowing the revelations to penetrate more deeply.

It didn’t take much reading to realize that the biggest idiot I live with is myself. That I finished the book anyway tells you how compellingly presented and genuinely useful Dr. John’s solutions are.

“Motivated by my desire to be in control and feel more secure in a relationship, I tripped up the people I was ostensibly trying to ‘help.’ Their focus and energy was turned from solving the problem to resisting me. Bad beaver.”

~ John Hoover, How To Live With An Idiot

If your workplace is a hive of idiocy, you might be interested to know that Dr. John also wrote How to Work for an Idiot: Survive & Thrive…Without Killing Your Boss. Dr. John has written a host of other books. See his Website at www.idiotworld.org for further information.

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Personal Space

Friday, November 7, 2008

Personal space tends to take on greater weight for those of us who are extra sensitive to subtleties. Riding a crowded city bus or subway becomes an olfactory adventure as well as a challenge to the defence of personal space. But there is more to the equation than being highly sensitive. There are deep cultural tendencies about personal space that also get into the mix.

A 2006 New York Times article by Stephanie Rosenbloom provides an overview of proxemics, the study of personal space and people’s perceptions of it. Edward T. Hall, the anthropologist who coined the term proxemics, wrote a book about personal space called The Hidden Dimension, first published in 1966. Still pertinent today, and filled with insights into the underlying powers at play when people (and animals) come into contact with each other, the book explores issues of personal space in depth, focusing particularly on American, German, English, French, Japanese, and Arab cross-cultural perceptions.

Already fine-tuned to issues of personal boundaries, other highly sensitive people may find Hall’s inquisitive, easy-to-read exploration of this issue as fascinating as I did. It’s a relief to read a whole book about an issue I spend a lot of time grappling with, but that, for the most part, remains hidden under cultural paradigms.

“Americans and Arabs live in different sensory worlds much of the time and do not use the same senses even to establish most of the distances maintained during conversations. … For an Arab, there is no such thing as an intrusion in public. Public means public.”

“The French are sensually much involved with each other … when a Frenchman talks to you, he really looks at you and there is no mistaking this fact. American women returning to their own country after living in France often go through a period of sensory deprivation.”

“Germans sense their own space as an extension of the ego. … In contrast to the Arab, … the German’s ego is extraordinarily exposed, and he will go to almost any length to preserve his ‘private sphere.'”

~ Edward T. Hall, The Hidden Dimension

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Hero Practice

Monday, November 3, 2008

“In the process of becoming complete, integrated human beings, we are all Heroes facing internal guardians, monsters, and helpers.”
~ Christopher Vogler

The best time to tackle limitations that thwart yearned-for dreams is now. We know what they are, the monsters that suck our energy and drain the light from the day. We’ve lived with them long enough to be on intimate terms with our own collection of personal oppressors, whether internal or external or both. But how to confront them? And how to survive?

Practice is “skill gained by experience.” So find someone who knows about this particular monster. Find a mentor who cares. Find a book written by an author who understands. Find a class. And, most of all, find a way to enter the curriculum of experience, but with help from above, from those who have gone before.

It’s easier to be a hero – to venture into the night in the discomfort of an itchy mask and a heavy cloak, determined to make a difference – when under the protection of a greater power.

Find an open hand. Hold on. Peer into the darkness. Shuffle forward. Learn.

“A coward gets scared and quits. A hero gets scared but still goes on.”
~ Unknown

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Interview | Carrie McCarthy

Thursday, October 30, 2008

In her search for both beauty and meaning in her interior design work, Carrie developed a process called Style Statement to help her know her clients better, and to help her clients know themselves better. Then she met Danielle LaPorte, who loved the Style Statement concept and had a background in media and communications, and Carrie & Danielle, Inc. was born. Their mission is to help people tune in to their authentic selves. Now, years later, there’s a Carrie & Danielle Website that’s packed with resources and supportive suggestions, and they’ve written and designed a beautiful book called Style Statement: Live by Your Own Design. [Update in May 2009: Carrie can now be found at her Style Statement website.]

“A Style Statement integrates the various aspects of your being in an effective balance. It consists of two words: the first word is your fundamental nature, 80% of who you are. The second word is your creative edge, your distinction, the 20% of yourself that makes all the difference.”

~ Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte, Style Statement

Carrie’s Style Statement is Refined Treasure. Danielle’s is Sacred Dramatic. Their book is filled with more examples and with the how-to for finding one’s own Style Statement. Carrie homed in on mine a few years back: Timeless Connection.

You have a very public persona for a highly sensitive person (HSP). How does your high sensitivity affect you regarding being in the limelight?

Being an HSP is about being responsive to the environment and to emotions. When I’m in the public eye, I’m intuitive about what’s going on. When I’m giving a presentation, I connect with the energy in the room and am aware of what’s happening and of wanting to be of service to the group through my awareness. I can pivot easily in such situations, shifting the focus as needed, because I’m so responsive. I’m responsible, response-able.

Being an HSP and being response-able is both a gift and a challenge. Really, it’s all about overstimulation and how we respond to it. Overwhelming situations, like too much noise, feel like pressure on my brain, and I want to do something to stop it. When I’m overstimulated I tend to need to retreat and hibernate, but that’s not always possible.

I think HSPs can succumb to the response-able aspect of being an HSP to the point where we over-respond to other people and over-respond to being highly sensitive. For example, I had a meeting today in a café and the music was so loud I asked them to turn it down. They refused, and I said, “Okay,” and let it go, because the restaurant is not all about me.

How to you deal with being overwhelmed when you go to New York City for business events and meetings, for instance?

There are some stimulations I love. I love to be stimulated by beauty, for example, so New York City is great for me because I find so much beauty there. But if I’m in a situation that’s all about doing business and connecting, I need more frequent rest and I need time alone. I make sure I get lots and lots of sleep. I request solitude by saying, ” I’m going to pass,” and, “I need some time to myself.” I’m comfortable saying what I need, and the people close to me are used to me being that way.

Your husband, Cameron, is not highly sensitive. How do you manage your different levels of sensitivity in your relationship?

Cameron is the opposite of me. He loves to have music on all the time. He’s very social. He’s a connector with the world and with people. One way we deal with our differences is that, in addition to our apartment, we own property on an island where Cameron goes while I stay home alone. And I’m very clear on a day-to-day basis about what I need. I request times for us to talk and to be together. I set up connecting dates with Cameron, times for us to simply be with each other. Another way in which we’re different is that he likes to call me at least five times a day. I answer when I want to talk, but otherwise I let it ring. Basically, we have agreements, and it works.

One of the reasons Cameron admires me is that I’m very independent. He’s very supportive of my independence. He goes to dinner parties or events without me, and that’s okay with us both. I like my time alone and I also love spending time with him. Neither of us is needy.

Is there anything you’d like to add?

There’s a lot for me to learn about being sensitive emotionally. I still sometimes find that aspect of being an HSP difficult. Emotional sensitivity is about being aware, but not owning the information coming in. It’s about selectively accepting input. The challenge for me is that intuitively I know when someone is uncomfortable and not living true to themselves, and I feel their pain and displacement. I sense people’s discomfort, even if they don’t notice it or don’t care. I feel it in my body, and sometimes it’s hard for me to be around that person. I would like to respect such feelings about other people but not feel chained to them – to be able to be strong in seeing my knowing as a blessing.

What message of encouragement would you like to give to other highly sensitive people?

It’s important to be aware, to create boundaries for yourself, and to be flexible, because it’s not all about you. We live in a world of community. Identifying your specific sensitivities helps. Knowing my specific sensitivities helps me create situations that work for me. For example, I know that a lot of my overstimulation has to do with visuals. I know I need light and windows. I need to see soft colour palettes. Also, I need fresh air and time in nature. I’m sensitive to smells and to others’ emotions. Knowing what triggers my sensitivities helps me be in community more successfully.

What are three of your most favourite books of any kind?

To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. This is a breathtaking book. I just read it for the first time this summer.

On Becoming a Leader, by Warren Bennis

Cabinet of Natural Curiosities, by Albertus Seba

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Curious Curators

Monday, October 27, 2008

For whatever reasons, there are bodies of knowledge that attract, pieces and patterns that captivate us completely while other people pass blindly by. There is expertise that finds us if we let ourselves be. It’s not about discovering a unique way to profit. It’s about being real and happy, and who knows what may happen as a result? The power is in following, in the transformation that happens between allowing the attraction and becoming the magnet.

A woman I know is a curator of blues. She acquires things based on their ability to mesmerize her with their blueness. And I have a young friend who recognizes everyone at his college by the way they move, even when he sees them at a distance. He doesn’t try to do this, he simply notices that he does it.

What’s your innate speciality? What do you gather and curate? Do you share your findings? Will you?

These curators followed, delved, collected, and found a way to share, revealing marvels of beauty and silliness:

RozWorks – Roslyn Stendahl’s illustrated journals (click on any journal to enter)

“Use color fearlessly.”

~ Roslyn Stendahl

Ashes and Snow – Gregory Colbert’s photographic visions of humans and animals

“I am working towards rediscovering the common ground that once existed when people lived in harmony with animals.”

~ Gregory Colbert

Seven Roads’ Gallery of Book Trade Labels – Greg Kindall’s reverential showcase

“We must admit to having gone from ‘coming across’ the labels in our book-browsing to actually searching for them.”

~ Greg Kindall

Query Letters I Love – Hilarious aspiring-screenwriter query letters collected by “ManagerGuy” – obviously a film industry insider

“I swear to god I’m not making these up.”

~ ManagerGuy

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Power to the Peepholes

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

High sensitivity can feel like being plugged into an electric current of awareness, like having non-optional X-ray goggles on. During the staff meeting, it’s obvious that she’s pissed off about something, he’s stealth-bullying the new receptionist, and those three know a secret. At the restaurant, that boy is scared of his mother, the couple in the corner are unhappy with each other, and the waitress has been crying.

Where’s the off switch?

Off can be a lot to ask when the current of awareness is going strong, or during a situation that requires sticking it out. What about playing with that awareness rather than turning it off?

Remember dioramas? The little ones inside a shoe box turned on its side, plastic figures placed just so. And there are big ones in museums, too. Dioramas generally have a front and a back. You stand in front of a diorama and look at the figures arranged against a background. When you find yourself in awareness overdrive, try this trick: imagine the scene as a diorama. Choose a front and a back. Now imagine a little peephole in the back wall that only you know about. What do you see when you look with your rich imagination and X-ray awareness through that peephole?

At the staff meeting, you may now realize from this new angle that the receptionist who looked so fragile under the bully’s shadow has a Wonder Woman headband in the purse under her chair. At the restaurant, the teary-eyed waitress keeps going behind the bar to stare in adoration at a photo of her Brazilian fiancé, who’s unexpectedly flying back from Rio today, two months earlier than expected, because he misses her. The people we tune in to have secret powers of their own, and stories even richer than those we think we see.

The power of the diorama peephole is that our imaginations can short-circuit the feeling of over-responsibility that comes with X-ray vision. Look through the peephole in the back of the diorama and imagine a better world, indulge your ability to play, and give yourself a break.

“The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.”

~ Al Neuharth

(For bizarre and hilarious examples of diorama art, see Sloane Tanen‘s art and books, including Bitter With Baggage Seeks Same: The Life and Times of Some Chickens.)

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Crying and Staying

Monday, October 20, 2008

One of the ways overstimulation overflows is through crying. Sometimes too much emotion, too much stress, too much too muchness wells up and out come the tears. What do you do then, particularly if other people are around?

My friend Kay doesn’t do much at all. I didn’t know Kay very well the first time we had a conversation that drew enough emotion from her to make her cry, so I was surprised that she simply kept on talking. She wiped her eyes but she made no move to leave. In a variety of subsequent situations over the time I knew her, she cried easily and stayed present, even if she was with someone she didn’t know well, or in the company of a group. I found it refreshing, and the lack of interruption that leaving the room would have caused meant that conversations and connections actually moved to a deeper level because of her willingness to let others see her crying. For her, tears meant strong feelings, and she considered that nothing to turn away from.

I met Kay many years ago. Since then, when I sense that doing so will allow me to continue or to deepen my connection with whoever I’m relating to, I’ve practiced crying and staying. The feeling of empowerment, of owning my tears in the moment, of self-acceptance on display, strengthens me even as the tears flow, and seems to soften the people I’m with, bringing love into their eyes, and a degree of reverence and focus to our connection.

If the idea appeals to you, when you find yourself in a situation ripe for experimenting, try crying and staying. Maybe you’ll discover a new way to be you in connection.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.”

~ Washington Irving

Photo from Grace’s family archives.

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Secret Spaces

Thursday, October 16, 2008

“It’s like that secret place you had as a kid, where you could say whatever bubbled into your mind and not worry about what anyone thought…. When you went to your secret place, you had no fear. Try to remember the worlds you created there. Try to recall the heroic roles you invented for yourself, the demons that fell before you, the villains you vanquished.”

~ Doug Hall, Jump Start Your Brain

Dining table forts masterminded with best friends, Mom delivering lunch by sliding it beneath the draping bedspreads into the flashlight dazzle. Multiple-room crawl-through mansions made from cardboard boxes – big ones, like the ones the new washer and dryer came in – with cut-out flap-windows and rugs inside and fairy lights draped all over. Thorny bramble safari to the distant center, branch cutters passed back and forth, sunlight straying through in moving bits, lunchboxes finally opened on crossed legs. Long driftwood dragged across the beach, dug deeply into sand, leaned and balanced until the wood teepee closes out all but the thinnest slices of light, and the tiny doorway opens from inside to let in the all-new view of the sea.

The bed tent I made last weekend over our queen-sized sleigh bed, engineered with little white wall hooks and intricately printed East Indian cloth draped over sturdy string supports, furnished with low-watt lamps, a zillion pillows, a portable stereo, a notebook, and my favourite pen. Just and only for me. I solved the world’s problems in that tent.

Please don’t grow all the way up. You’ll find more parts of you waiting patiently in the secret spaces you create for yourself.

There is a deeper wave than this / Tugging at your hand

~ Sting, “Love is the Seventh Wave,” The Dream of the Blue Turtles

Photo by Michael Mundhenk

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Herbal Pharmacy

Monday, October 13, 2008

What do you turn to when your body hurts and you want relief? The options are vast, even for healing aids addressing the most basic ailments and discomforts. When our highly sensitive natures craves simplicity and gentle solutions, the following products (none of which I am paid to promote) may help. They’re the most commonly and repeatedly used aids in our and many of our pals’ households. Of course, you’ll need to decide for yourself whether or not they are appropriate for you. They’re listed alphabetically.

Castor Oil

We started using castor oil at the suggestion of a naturopath, and have found it to be an exceptional muscle relaxant: Saturate a flannel cloth with castor oil and place it on the affected area (use the flannel for this purpose only, since castor oil is sticky and apparently stains). Cover the flannel with a plastic bag. On top of the plastic bag put a hot water bottle, and wrap the whole area with a towel big enough to cover it all. Anti-inflammatory castor oil apparently absorbs through the skin to make the muscles feel better. Consider it for general muscle aches and for PMS aches. Ideally, use a top-quality, cold-pressed castor oil.

Dr. Singha’s Mustard Bath

Widely used in England for more than 40 years, this fragrant herbal formula is recommended for help in relieving stress, congestion, muscle soreness, and skin conditions, as well as for sweating out impurities. I first used it at a friend’s house when I felt a cold coming on. She ran a bath for me with Dr. Singha’s formula and I was hooked. The aroma of mustard powder and oils of wintergreen, eucalyptus, rosemary, and thyme packs a fabulous punch.

Epsom Salts

We keep single-bath-sized cartons of Epsom salts always handy in our bathroom. There’s enough salt in two cups of Epsom salts in a bath to increase the body’s buoyancy (like when floating in the sea). A hot Epsom salt bath is wonderfully relaxing and soothing, in my experience, and its effects include helping to relieve tiredness and soreness. For a nice overview of Epsom salts and its various uses, see Annie B. Bond’s article “13 Wonderful Ways to Use Epsom Salts,” on the Care2 Make a Difference Website.

Hydrogen Peroxide

For general cuts and scrapes I find hydrogen peroxide to beat out alcohol every time. Hydrogen peroxide is very inexpensive and doesn’t seem to hurt on an open wound as much as alcohol does. Plus, it’s mesmerizingly distracting to watch it bubble. We just pour it over the cut or scrape a bit at a time and repeat until the bubbling diminishes.

Nin Jiom Herbal Cough Syrup

According to the manufactures of Nin Jiom, this cough syrup is “based on the prescription by [the] famous Chinese physician Ip Tin See in the Ching Dynasty…” Comprised of herbs in a base of honey, without artificial additives or alcoholic substances, Nin Jiom helps relieve throat soreness and acts as an expectorant. We get our Nin Jiom at our local health food store, though if you don’t live in an area with a significant Chinese population it might be harder to find.

Olbas Oil

On the rare occasions when one of our family has a stuffy head cold we can be found lolling about with the tiny Olbas Oil bottle hovering just beneath the nose, breathing in the heady medicinal herbal vapours of peppermint, eucalyptus, wintergreen, and juniper, among others. Made by a Swiss company, Olbas Oil has other uses besides helping to ease nasal passages (see their Website).

Rescue Remedy

These five Bach flower essences in a base of grape alcohol entered our family life at a critical time. During preparations for our wedding party, my husband’s sister noticed how frazzled he was, stepped out to the local health food store to pick up a bottle of Rescue Remedy, came back, and dosed hubby up. Within ten minutes he was calmer than he’d been in days. Since then, we always have Rescue Remedy drops in stock at home and we take it along with us when we travel. If the alcohol content is off-putting, know that Rescue Remedy also works when applied to the skin. Dr. Edward Bach, the creator of the Bach flower essences, was apparently a highly sensitive person.

Tiger Balm

For quick relief of aches and pains, Tiger Balm’s camphor, menthol, and other oils get to the point. Created more than 100 years ago, this herbal-based pain-relief ointment is recommended for helping relieve a variety of aches, including headaches and muscle and arthritic pains. We use the White Tiger Balm. The jars are small, but a little bit goes a long way.

Being empowered includes taking care of our bodies, knowing what works for us, and treating ourselves with loving care. There’s real power in being strong and healthy.

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Books | Joyful Self-Employment

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The highly sensitive people I know who are thriving are all self-employed. Is this a coincidence? Maybe. But maybe not.

Self-employment has a lot to offer HSPs, and many of our innate tendencies make us suited for taking up the reins of our own business. Self-employment doesn’t need to be a gigantic, red-tape-festooned, complicated step. A small beginning is still a beginning.

One way to take an exploratory step toward self-employment is to tap into the joy factor, to let your joys lead. Even the tiniest experiments to explore ways your joys could generate income will provide information. Which can point the way to a next single step. And a next.

Having encouraging guidance helps. The books shown here are a sampling of the books at the top of my heap when I want guidance about doing what I love for a living (and what I love is always based on being self-employed). The first book is about the deeper levels of thoughts and beliefs that affect prosperity, rather than self-employment specifically. I include it here because forays into self-employment can sometimes challenge our bedrock beliefs about money and prosperity, and this book may help with getting over the hump of that growth curve, if needed.

Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness, by Esther and Jerry Hicks (of particular interest is Part V, “Careers, as Profitable Sources of Pleasure”)

Making a Living Without a Job: Winning Ways For Creating Work That You Love, by Barbara Winter

The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich, by Timothy Ferriss (as a practical manual for automating income, this book has a lot to offer; not everything will appeal to HSPs in general, but it’s well worth reading for the conceptual adjustment about what is possible regarding income and work style)

Consider exploring possibilities for self-employment by delving into what you most want, not what you think is possible. With your imagination and your skills in deep thinking, following your own joys may lead you, step by step, to the creation of something only you can bring into the world. Let’s see it.

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Avoid the Rush – Finish Last

Monday, October 6, 2008

So much about western culture is about speed, about pushing through. Getting ahead. Being the best. Breaking records. Making it to the top. Getting there first.

Sod it.

I’ve got a first-class ticket to the back of the line, and that’s where you’ll find me. I’ll be the one hanging out on the little porch at the back of the caboose, dangling my bare feet over the edge, resting my arms on the low railing, taking in the wide, glorious receding view. Join me? Here, I’ve spread out a little picnic. Help yourself. We’ve got everything from carrot sticks and hummus to strawberry scones with butter. Take an embroidered cloth napkin and a chunky pottery plate. Lay down your burdens, pull up an all-cotton handmade cushion for your tush, sit here next to me, and let’s relax.

Now that we’re so far off the radar no one’s even looking for us, what do we do? Frankly, nothing much for about an hour. We watch the sky and the mesmerizing pattern of the railroad ties as they unfurl from beneath the back of the train. We take in the beauty and the fresh air (it’s a very long train), and the lightness. We take turns sighing with relief for another hour. Then we look at each other and giggle. We talk after a while, for a while. Our conversation winds, but we follow. The trees meet overhead, making a tunnel that takes our breath away and makes speaking superfluous.

Hanging out at the back of the caboose is about getting happy. Being whole. Discovering the best me I can be. Living my own dreams. Connecting deeply.

The last curve of the sun slips away as the train banks around a long curve. In the fading light I reach for your hand.

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Joy Detective

Thursday, October 2, 2008

A few days ago, on our way up into southern British Columbia’s Fraser River valley, my husband and I peered out the bus windows into the steep ravine as we curled along the road, the mountains towering above us. Suddenly, Michael’s posture straightened, his face lit up, he pointed and said, “Look! A train! See it?” There it was, far below at the edge of the river, a red train curling, like us, through the valley. For about a minute, we kept losing sight of it, then seeing it again, Michael glued to the window the whole time.

I know this about my husband: Trains send his heart soaring. It goes way back, to a childhood in Germany, to model train sets, long train tours with his best friend, the beauty of the trains themselves, and, more recently, the fun we had during our train trips in Europe this spring. As Michael leaned forward, glued to the train moving along the Fraser River, pure, clear joy filled him up and overflowed as an audible exhale of joy.

I found myself watching Michael more than I watched the train — wondering about the power of joy to take over our bodies when it’s strong enough, wondering what joys do that for me.

What does it for you? What makes you involuntarily exhale joy loudly enough for someone else to hear? Ask someone close to you for clues. Then see how much of that joy you can pull into your life on a regular basis.

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”

~ Lucille Ball

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Multilingualism for HSPs

Monday, September 29, 2008

I’ve been learning German for years and dabble in French now and again. These forays into learning another language make my life richer than I could ever have imagined, not only because of the thrill of the skill or the insight into another culture that only learning their language can provide, but because of the deep and rewarding connections I’ve had with people I would not have had access to otherwise. My sister-in-law is dear to me in a way that goes far beyond being in-laws. We communicate in pieces of German or English since neither of us is fluent in the other’s native language. We’re glad to fumble through because we have so much to share with each other.

Besides being fluent in English, I also speak HSP. When I spend time with highly sensitive people (HSPs) I am struck by the sense that we speak the same native language. Even meeting an HSP for the first time feels like coming home, like the part of me that is constantly at work translating my world so it will make sense to the world-at-large can relax. I love that feeling. It makes me seek out other HSPs in order to expand my homeland.

In the same way that speaking German has opened up worlds of love and connection and joy for me even though the process of becoming multilingual takes effort over time, speaking both HSP and non-HSP does the same thing. When I make the effort to understand things from the perspective of non-HSPs and when I’m conscious about translating my world so that non-HSPs and I can connect deeply, both of our worlds are enriched. We need each other. Being a multilingualist helps close the gap.

“Every social group – family, organization, town, or nation – needs its sensitive people to balance those equally wonderful folks at the other end of the spectrum who make the great test pilots, ambulance drivers…and sales managers.”

“You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders of your society. There is every reason for pride.”

~ Elaine Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

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