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How to Keep a Friend

Old friends, by kevindooleyStart with the first step. Proceed.

  1. Make a new friend.
  2. Spend time together.
  3. Be your true self, especially when it’s difficult.
  4. Disagree.
  5. Let them go.
  6. Figure out how to soothe yourself.
  7. Welcome them back.
  8. Willingly fall further into friendship’s gooey centre.
  9. Copy what you envy.
  10. Forget who’s who.
  11. Draw a line.
  12. Notice recurring border skirmishes.
  13. Learn about yourself.
  14. Draw a different line, one that includes all of you.
  15. Do your best, even if it’s not enough.
  16. Take a break.
  17. Notice what changes.
  18. Ruthlessly work to take back any unkindness.
  19. Hold your friend’s hands until they’re warm again.
  20. Decide to love yourself best by forgiving, even if you’re not sure how.
  21. Remember all the good things. (There were lots.)
  22. Accrue private jokes.
  23. Count up the years.
  24. Catalogue the stories and talk about them in code.
  25. Accept the whole friend, including what bugs you about them.
  26. Realize that you wouldn’t be you without your friend.
  27. Praise the change you got from them.
  28. Praise the change you resisted.
  29. Get to know your friend’s friends.
  30. Make a new friend.

Related reading: Pep Talk | Flip, Book | How to Live with an Idiot

Flickr photo: Old friends, by kevindooley

This was written by ownerceo. Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010, at 12:01 am. Filed under Community, How To. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.

5 Comments

  1. Erika Harris wrote:

    #19 made me gasp. Like most of your posts do, Grace. Thank you dearly. XO

    Tuesday, February 23, 2010 at 9:30 am | Permalink
  2. jo wrote:

    Wow Grace! Heavy duty thinking, working, growing in this list! Good job!

    I’ve worked for years on: be the friend you’d want for yourself. But this is so much more expansive.

    Now to internalize this advice so it becomes an instinctual part of me.

    Tuesday, February 23, 2010 at 9:54 am | Permalink
  3. Grace Kerina wrote:

    This list is a sort of ode to my own marvelous friends, some of whom I’ve been to hell and back with — and what I keep coming back to is how worth the process genuine friendship is, to such a degree that it makes my head spin and my heart swell with joy every single day. And really, thank heavens for the Internet and phones — I’m on the back end of a small island on the coast of British Columbia and I have a wealth of daily contact with amazing people. Like you!

    Tuesday, February 23, 2010 at 10:30 am | Permalink
  4. Erika Harris wrote:

    I appreciate you so much, Grace. I nominated you for this award :-)
    http://lifeblazing.com/2010/02/27/circle-of-friends-award/

    Hugs,
    Erika

    Saturday, February 27, 2010 at 3:50 am | Permalink
  5. Grace Kerina wrote:

    I just saw it on your site when I went there. Thank you, Erika, for your kind words and for thinking of me for this. You’re a gem.

    Monday, March 1, 2010 at 9:44 am | Permalink