Our landlord, who lives downstairs, is a 70-year-old Chinese man who’s a crazy-great ballroom dancer. He’s gotten several patents on inventions he’s made since he retired. He sings heavily accented cheesy 70s pop hits at the top of his lungs and he’s pretty good at it (my husband and I always stop to listen). He hasn’t raised our rent in six years because he likes us so much. He calls me “Lady,” knows I’m the mechanic in the family, and lets me borrow his tools.
Like all of us, he’s a miracle of contrasts and intriguing details. Specifics trump stereotypes (elderly Chinese retired mechanic) every time.
In Chicago, years ago, a black man I passed on a busy downtown sidewalk yelled at me, his face contorted with anger and pain. “You’re prejudiced against blacks, against me! I know it!” I kept walking – I’m not stupid, but the moment has stuck with me. What did he see when he looked at me? A white girl with a serious face? Whatever he saw, he didn’t know any of my details. I was only a stand-in for whatever originally caused his pain.
Details form us. Alfred North Whitehead said, “We think in generalities, but we live in details.” Knowing details about people and sharing our own details brings us closer, puts us into perspective, gives us context and the clarity of focus, connects us.
(Straight middle-aged female Canadian) I’ve lived in more than 70 places in two countries (so far). I love gay romance stories because our society’s kept them hidden for so long. A psychic once told me this is my first incarnation as a woman. I’m 48 and skinny, but strong – I do the heavy lifting at home. I speak decent German and fluent Deep South. I recognize fake southern accents in movies. A doctor told me that, based on the way my scars heal, I probably have southern European or African DNA.
I believe anything is possible, including the collection of details as a path to peace, including a handshake where once there was a fist.
Flickr photo: Who dressed YOU?, by juhansonin
Related reading: Hidden Lives Revealed, Dare to Be Vulnerable,
2 Comments
So true that each of us is “a miracle of contrasts and intriguing details.” As Walt Whitman wrote long ago, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
It’s actually really cool to see what at first seem to be glaring incongruencies in people — like my Southern cowboy-farmer neighbor (who also speaks Deep South fluently!) who is a down-to-earth “good ole boy” through and through — and also an avid golfer who is never without his I-Phone.
Our authenticity shines in some of our inconsistencies. We ARE far too multi-dimensional to fit in a neat little pre-formed box. …
Also, I love your quote “details form us.” And you’re so right in that knowing the details of others helps us all feel more connected. We’re all different; we’re all the same; we’re all complex. Getting rid of “the other” and realizing we’re ALL “we” and on the same team can help wipe out dangerous (and untrue) sterotypes.
I *hate* stereotypes! I just realized that. Wow. A few minutes ago I would have said there is nothing I “hate”.
But that facile, off-handed pigeonholing of people because of how they appear makes me crazy! I love meeting new folks and finding one little something about them that we share, or that I can appreciate about them, breaking that stereotypical frame into little tiny pieces and making each of us more than we were.
Thanks Grace for this realization!
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