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Book | Fitting in is Overrated

Fitting in is Overrated, by Leonard FelderLeonard Felder’s book adds his sure, comforting, and erudite voice to the growing chorus of people championing sensitivity and oddness. Fitting in is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider proceeds calmly to dismantle inclinations to remain hidden, urging us instead to develop whatever it is that makes us oddly knowledgeable.

Imagine this reasonable man’s voice speaking his encouragements to you and see if you feel more able to make your own mark in your own way:

“What if your greatest breakthrough in life depends on your coming to terms with the very issue that has made you feel ashamed?”

“For just a moment, stop and ask yourself what Ang Lee, Macy Gray, Betty Friedan, Viktor Frankl, Faith Hill, Alex Haley, Antonio Villaraigosa, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Charles Schwab, Yo-Yo Ma, and Oprah Winfrey have in common. They are all sensitive individuals who suffered painful exclusion and self-doubt before they found their particular way to thrive as outsiders. They each hit a point in their lives when they had to decide, ‘Is it more important to fit in, or can I find enough support for expressing the gifts and insights I’ve discovered as a result of being different from most people?'”

“How do you balance the desire to be accepted by the people around you with the desire to follow what’s in your heart and soul?”

“I’ve found that in order to respond effectively to someone who is treating you rudely, the first essential step is to stop for a moment and make a promise to yourself: “I’m going to handle this with decency and integrity no matter what.” Thousands of clients have found that just this one silently spoken sentence can give great strength and clarity during a stressful moment. This powerful vow or mantra can snap you out of the victim mentality and into a sense of creativity and strength. Rather than stooping to the other person’s level, your mind begins to feel clearer, better able to handle a tough situation with dignity and grace.”

~ Leonard Felder, from Fitting In Is Overrated

Dr. Felder’s other books include When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People, Wake Up or Break Up, and Does Someone at Work Treat You Badly? For more, see Dr. Leonard Felder’s Jewcy.com page and blog.

Related reading: Book | One Small Step Can Change Your Life, Stay Afloat with Healthy Boundaries

3 Comments

  1. Denise wrote:

    Thanks for this Grace – the underlying theme of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition – don’t fit in – fit out – I will read this book.

    Monday, June 8, 2009 at 8:41 am | Permalink
  2. jo martin wrote:

    Wish I’d had this book when I was younger — I learned valuable lessons from not fitting in and dealing with it but OTOH, it might have saved me a lot of pain.

    Although I think I’m comfortable with not fitting in, think I’ll read this anyway — couldn’t hurt, right?!

    Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Grace!

    Monday, June 8, 2009 at 10:15 am | Permalink
  3. I’m finding so many wonderful and supportive books lately, whether from me tuning in or from more being published. Hopefully both!

    Monday, June 8, 2009 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

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